Tongue tied

Like many others, my job often involves speaking.  I have to call people, talk to them, ask them questions, pretend I know things, and generally act like a normal human being.  This is all well and good.  I know how to talk and what not.  The problem is leaving a voice mail.

I can’t do it.  I get all confused, forget what I was calling about and sometimes even who I was calling.  I say incredibly stupid things, or, sometimes, nothing at all.  But the worst thing I do, and what I did just a few minutes ago, is sign the voice mail with my name.

Yep.  I’m like, “Hi, this is Arielle returning your call about something or other.  Please call me back.  Thanks, Arielle.”

I say, “Thanks, Arielle.”  Like I didn’t already say my name.  Like I’m writing an email or a note or something.  Like I’m some kind of idiot.

It’s really embarrassing, and I’ve done it maybe three or ten times, at least.  Today I tried to turn it into a “Thanks, Arielbye!” but it didn’t really come off.  There have been times when I’ve just let it be and hoped to god that the other person will just take pity on me and not return my call.  Ever.

Anyway, I ate the shame away with a few meringues, which seemed to do the trick:

And then I thought I should eat something substantial so I don’t starve waiting for dinner, so I had some cottage cheese:

I added some honey and a handful of cereal after I took the picture.

We will probably have something boring for dinner, so I may not post again today.

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A sticky situation

So for the past three or four days, this has been in our freezer:

It’s Chris’s shoe, gently resting on some frozen corn.  It is in there because he stepped in gum.  But not just any gum – the biggest piece of gum I’ve ever seen:

It looks like some kind of spearmint, but the size tells me it must be Bubblicious.  I have no idea how he managed to spread it all over the side like that, but I would venture to say that it involved a couple of beers and maybe a shot of Petron.  Or two.

Anyway, I told him to put it in the freezer because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a gum situation.  Or so I thought, but it didn’t work.  I finally pulled it out last night because I was sick of it standing between me and my ice cream.

So what now?  How do you get gum off your shoes?  I told him to spread peanut butter on it, but he didn’t like that idea.

And now that I’ve thoroughly analyzed someone’s discarded gum, we can turn to food.  Last night I got hungry for some random reason so I had some yogurt, a little cereal, and raisins:

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It was an emergency

I was forced to grab a handful of Sun Chips as soon as I walked in the door from work this afternoon:

The alternative was waiting ten minutes for my lunch to be ready, and I just couldn’t do it.  It was physically impossible, in fact.

And then for my real snack this afternoon, because Sun Chips are not, in case you didn’t know, a real snack, I had some raisins and walnuts:

I am all about these big raisins.  They are awesome.

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I give you knowledge

I needed another snack before dinner (cookies = not filling) so I had a box of mini raisins with about a teaspoon or so of peanut butter:

Do you think they make little mini boxes of figs? Because that would be way cool. Except I figured out that the boxes aren’t really sealed up (they came in a six pack) so, um, someone might find that their box is a few raisins short. You can’t tell, though, I promise. I’m totally sneaky like that.

Anyway, dinner was fish, potatoes and spinach:

Just like last time. Now I am going to give you some useful information. Are you ready?

Purple potatoes have antioxidants just like blueberries. I know this is true, because the World’s Healthiest Foods says so:

“The differences in color between varieties of potatoes are basically differences in carotenoid and flavonoid content. Virtually all types of potatoes provide significant amounts of approximately 7-10 nutrients. While Americans are used to potatoes with a white inside, potatoes in other parts of the world more commonly have starchy yellow insides. We call these potatoes with yellow insides “specialty potatoes” however worldwide they are the norm rather than the exception.

All colorful potatoes provide carotenoids (and some provide flavonoids as well) that white potatoes do not. Carotenoids and flavonoids are pigments, and according to nutritional research, they provide us with many health benefits, including cancer protection. For example, the darker the starchy yellow inside of a yellow potato the greater quantities of carotenoid, including beta-carotene, and in some cases, lutein that are present. The blue in blue potatoes comes from their flavonoid content. Both the flavonoids found in blue potatoes and the carotinoids found in yellow potatoes help promote good health!”

I buy my potatoes in a mixed bag, but I picked out all of the purple ones for this dinner because we are going to another wedding this weekend and I want to feel my best so that I can consume maximum amounts of wine.

That’s also why I had another cookie.

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The gouda is out to get me

I could not have screwed my dinner up more if I possibly tried. First, I was trying to make a quesadilla. So I grate some cheddar on a tortilla, throw a little gouda on there for kicks, sprinkle on some cumin, chili powder, etc. and toss it in a pan. Then I start cutting up half of an avocado and a couple tomatoes. At this point, I’m getting really excited for my little private fiesta. My quesadilla starts melting, and for once I do not burn it, nor do I set the smoke detector off. And then, I take it out of the pan, and yellow juice, FAT, drips everywhere.

I don’t understand. Can you not melt gouda or something? Because my cheddar was white, so clearly the gouda was the culprit here (also, I’m not totally inept – I’ve made quesadillas with cheddar like five million times). Someone help me out.

Round two: I already had the cut up avocado and tomato, if you remember, so I thought I’d just mix it with a little lime juice, some black beans, maybe some corn, and make a black bean salad-type thing. So I get out the can of black beans, open it up – and it’s soup. I opened up the wrong can. Damn.

Round three: Well, I had to eat the soup, of course. I can’t waste two meals. And it was not too bad, really, just not what I was going for. But at least it was black bean soup, and I added some corn and some salsa and ate the avocado and tomatoes, too.

Sorry, the only thing I photographed was the soup. Things were happening so fast – it was a whirlwind, really.

Earlier this afternoon, I had some plain yogurt, flax and raisins:

I will probably have some grapes later. Maybe ice cream. No, grapes. I will try my hardest to have grapes.

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So. Many. Pictures.

I am completely exhausted from uploading these. I don’t even think I need to go to the gym tomorrow.

So I had a meeting with someone at two today and I needed to eat first, obviously, so I went to Whole Foods and got sushi and seaweed salad. Blackberry pictures, sorry, but here you go:

I know, the seaweed salad looks totally gross, but it tasted good. That’s a vegetable roll.

And then afterwards, I had some time to kill so I was walking around the mall, which sounds fun but it’s really not because in this particular mall, the shops only appeal to rich people who have lots of money. Which I do not, despite what I may have said yesterday. I lied to you.

Anyway, my thoughts wandered, as they often do, to chocolate, and what do you know – I happened to be standing in front of Godiva. So I went in to buy a little piece, and discovered what may be the best thing that’s ever happened to me:

These are going to change my life. I’m not even exaggerating. Check them out:

Little balls of chocolate. And I can eat eight of them for only 25 calories and they taste really good and I am in heaven, basically.

I had eight. Give or take a few.

As for the rest of the afternoon? Well, don’t laugh at me, but I went on a little bit of a raisin binger. How weird is that? I don’t know what it is with me and dried fruit, but I have problems. I needed a snack at like five but it was so late that I didn’t want to eat too much. So I had this handful:

Closely followed by this handful:

Which was closely followed by a total loss of control and the rest of the container:

And then I was too full for dinner, of course, so I had two bites of spinach and one bite of fish, and now I’m drinking this wine:

Yes, I realize that I had grapes for dinner, in both liquid and dried form. I will be more balanced tomorrow.

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First casualty

Jack has officially eaten his first shoe. Fortunately for me, it belonged to Chris.

No, I do feel kind of bad, considering I’m technically supposed to be watching him. But I do have a job, despite what my neighbors might think. They totally think I’m like a housewife or something, by the way. I know it. Every time my upstairs neighbor comes home he hears the Food Network on my TV and I know he thinks that Chris is supporting me and my lazy lifestyle, when in reality I am just a skilled multitasker.

Anyway, today that lazy lifestyle allowed me to have these Gardenburger riblets for lunch:

These look really weird, but they are SO GOOD. I could drink the sauce. I didn’t, but I wanted to. In fact, they should bottle it and sell in separately because I would put it on everything.

I also had a salad:

That may be the clearest picture I’ve ever taken. Mark it down. You don’t see good photography very often around here.

And then raisins, yogurt and flax for a snack:

Also two figs. Because I’m weak.

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Fearless

I ate the fake fat again for lunch today.

I’ll spare you the picture of the actual bacon this time, since so many of you were grossed out by it.  But I’ve gotta say, it’s really good.  I encourage you to try it.  Don’t be the kind of person who judges bacon by its cover.

And yes, that is the tip of Jack’s little nose at the bottom there.  Again.  That thing is everywhere.

I  also had yogurt/raisins/flax with my lunch:

And then I just ate an apple and peanut butter for a snack:

So far we’re only at 57°, which I don’t really consider margarita-worthy, but it’s definitely beer territory.  Not Coronas.  But definitely Coors Light.  Or possibly even vodka tonics, which are all-weather in my book.

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Sketchy

I had a BLT for lunch made with Morningstar fake bacon and it CREEPED ME OUT.  Have you seen this stuff?

Do they have to make fake fat, too? Cause I could do without that.  And when you cook it, it gets all curled up and juicy like real bacon.  It’s really gross.  But my sandwich was rather enjoyable:

I also had raisins and pretzels:

And this morning, a kiwi:

I had another one after this.  I would have just said I had two in the first place, but I’m not sure how to make kiwi plural.  I think it’s one of those tricky ones.

This afternoon, I had some plain yogurt, raisins, flax and a little brown sugar:

I took this picture after I started eating, so I had more than this.  Much more, actually.  Too much.  My stomach hurt after.  Also, is it just me, or does flax have a weird fishy taste?  Must me those omega-3s.

Now I have to go take Jack on a walk before he pees on me.  It’s been waaaay too long.  He looks like he’s going to throw himself out the window right now.

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Fountain of youth

It’s official:  I pulled a muscle trying to chase down the bus this morning.  My butt is killing me.  My body must be too old to handle an impromptu sprint.

I certainly didn’t want to overexert myself, so I just made ravioli for dinner:

Threw on that basil for a little pizazz.

I just asked Chris how to spell pizazz  and he said “I don’t think you want to know.  Let’s re-think this.”

So I looked it up.  Only three Zs, not four.  FYI.

I was still hungry after this because half a package of ravioli is really only five little measly pieces of pasta and that’s just not enough. I don’t care what Trader Joe’s says.  I had to have some raisins and a couple of pretzels to round out the meal:

I don’t know about you, but I have a pretty exciting night ahead of me.  The Hills season premiere is on.  I’ll probably enjoy an ice cream while I watch.  My body may be on the verge of deteriorating, but in my mind, I’m still a teeny-bopper.

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